Mixed Emotions

The past few days of Institute classes and dialogue with LDS have been full of mixed emotions. We've had some really neat conversations and some heart-and-mind-wrenching ones. The 5 of us (Brad comes to) have been well-accepted into our Tues/Thur class, with the more open and easy-going professor. I've even become the "fall-back" pianist in the class, since the other girl that played has changed courses. So far, I've only played once, but they are fine with me picking out the Protestant hymns from their hymnal and playing those. It actually makes it kinda nice. I would like to avoid singing as many "Hail to the Man" (about Joseph Smith) type hymns as I can.

Tuesday's class was about angels, so it wasn't so hard to sit through. Brad asked a good question about the seraphim and cherubim that the teacher was unable to answer definitively, and I was able to ask a few questions after class regarding their doctrine of Adam being Michael the Archangel as well as their view that truth about the Book of Mormon can only be known through "spiritual discernment" not reason or debate. It keeps them pretty safe from attack, because there is no way I can discredit someone's personal experience. This fact has kept me most frustrated over the past few days.

After class was the highlight of the week so far: we had lunch with the former-Christian-missionary-couple, our prof, and the student we met from BYU. We had a really neat time to talk and share, and ended up taking turns sharing part of our testimony, or some way in which God had really grown our faith. Brad shared an amazing story from his time in Mexico in which he and three other leaders in his church had prayed for healing of a Hispanic unbeliever who was blind, and after a week of praying and laying on hands, he was able to see!! This man became a believer, and was later killed for preaching the gospel in another village. I got to share a little about the struggle and growth in my walk with God as my family has gone through trials regarding my sister and her choices in life. My prayer is that this opened their eyes to see that there are people who have a vibrant life with Christ and are content to live outside the LDS church. For many, this concept is not a part of their worldview. We weren't able to get the missionary couple to share their conversion story, but set up another lunch meeting for next week...so hopefully we'll be able to hear it then.

Wednesday we learned more about the Fall and how Adam and Eve had to choose which was the "greater" commandment to follow when God told them BOTH to be fruitful (have kids) and not eat of the tree of good and evil (they think Adam and Eve were only able to bear children after the fall, when they became "mortal"). I had the courage to raise my hand and point out that it didn't seem in the character of God to put Adam and Eve in a situation in which they HAD to sin (disobey) in order to obey another command. Another student in the class (not realizing I was not LDS, I assume) said she agreed with me and didn't understand how that worked. In a roundabout way, the prof explained it was kind of like when you mow the lawn of your elderly parents on the sabbath to obey the command of honoring your parents while breaking the sabbath command. It didn't satisfy me, but I don't know about the rest of the class. They are trained to not ask questions or let disagreeable thoughts go through their mind. So, most of don't engage in class...or at least not to question something said.

Today was another tough day. We learned about the nature of God the Father and Jesus. It was a ton of doctrine crammed into 45 minutes, but it gave us enough of a taste to see that the things we had heard about what the LDS believe are, for the most part, true. Here are some quotes from my notes:
"we have the embryo of godhood within us"
"God himself was once a man as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens"
"in the premortal realm he [Jesus] attained unto godhood"

We talked with the professor for about 45 min after class, but this discussion is hard to summarize. A big focus was that even though we will "be exalted" we will never be as Heavenly Father is; we will always be serving Him and worshiping Him. But, this just doesn't seem to fit the essence of some of these quotes. In the end, he basically said that one day, if we are sincerely seeking, we will get a testimony that God the Father and Jesus actually appeared to Joseph Smith, and then we will repent and be baptized. We left quite discouraged.

Despite the ups and downs of direct engagement with LDS, we are having lots of fun with each other. Sarah, our 5th roommate, keeps us laughing hysterically at all times of day...last night we were serenaded with our own personal songs upon returning from Brad's house. We spent a nice evening with his family, enjoying tamales from their favorite tire shop (no joke), watching the girls practice ballet, and viewing "God's Army"--a very interesting LDS film. So, no worries--we're doing just fine! Thank you again and again for your thoughts and prayers. My #1 request as of tonight is that we will have more opportunities to talk with LDS students, not so much the professors and adult missionaries. It's the relationships with the people our age that I think will have the opportunity for fruit.